why cant i just hang up the phone?!

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

Moderator: DianeB

why cant i just hang up the phone?!

Postby linkgun » Wed Nov 13, 2013 12:50 am

the last 2 days have been quite frustrating. .

they have been filled with lots of phone calls that were neither peaceful nor nice.

abf got it in his head that he wanted to bailed outta jail, I didn't understand why due to the fact that he is going to prison in 6 days.

I reminded him that there is no money for that, to which he said I could spend his money and write a check for the rest. . haha no!

I reminded him that if he spends his money on this then he will have none for commissary when he is in prison.

I asked him to slow his thought process and really think of what he was saying.

this was followed by many calls that were not nice on either of our parts!

Lots of swearing and accusations on why I didn't want him out....ugh

he called later to say he was sorry

today has been just as not fun with the calls.

he called while I was shopping, at the checkout. . he went into full where are you? who you with? what are you really doing? and even where are you really living? mode.

I went with my first reaction which was to just start yelling!! full on screaming in the checkout line in not one but 2 stores!!

I respond with things he would say to me before he went to jail. . like id ask him where he was and he'd say don't matter or why or leave me alone. . . so I find myself doing that to get back at him. and even tho I am telling him the truth he just says its all lies.

he wants to know where we stand in our relationship, altho ive told him many many times that I don't know. . that I don't have to decide that now. . that how I feel today may not be how I feel tomorrow or next week or nexy month. . . but he wants an answer now!!!

I know he is just pushing my buttons and has all day to sit and think and do nothing else.

but it is extremely frustrating!! I don't know why I answer the phone. . everyone says don't answer don't buy calling cards. . and I know that it is that easy but it doesn't FEEL that easy!!!

after the last set of calls and leaving the store I literally sat in my car, cried, repeated the serenity prayer and apologized to my kids for a rather unpleasant shopping trip.

im just so tired of it and I just cant get through to him what I am trying to say!!!

on a positive note I totally missed a deer while sliding on ice in my car tonight!! thank you HP!!!
"I can't tell where the journey will end. . .but I know where to start"
"All this time I was finding myself, and I didn't know I was lost" --Avicii
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Re: why cant i just hang up the phone?!

Postby mizbee » Wed Nov 13, 2013 1:02 am

ugh! our alos can really push our buttons can't they? don't beat yourself up. it helps nothing! we all have our ugly behaviors and all we can do is keep pulling the weeds out of the garden!

glad you missed that deer! ha! HP is there for us, sometimes i have to get really really quiet to hear the message.

hope your night is peaceful.

love to you!
(((hugs))) mizbee
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Re: why cant i just hang up the phone?!

Postby carpediem » Wed Nov 13, 2013 7:29 am

I found that when I got into pointless, frustrating battles with my ex-AH, it was better for me not to pick up the phone than to answer it and wind up in the mud with him.

I like a mud-free existence. I used to call his tendency for public battles the trailer-park fight. He would pick fights in public places, like big parking lots full of shoppers, and scream his head off at me.

Even then, I had choices. I could take a cab home. I could walk away. I could go shopping or get on the phone with a recovery buddy. Or I could stand there and make myself a point of curiosity or a reason for other people to want to call mall security. ;)

I always had choices, and when I was sick and tired of being completely embarrassed and exhausted by my own reactions to his behavior, I made different choices.
"Enlightened ones only show us the way. We have to do our own work." --The Two-Year-Old Yoga Teacher.
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Re: why cant i just hang up the phone?!

Postby Findinghope » Wed Nov 13, 2013 5:36 pm

There is a button on our cell phones, and a cord connecting our home phones. I turned mine off this afternoon. And will be unplugging the cord phone as soon as my husband gets home. It is time for me this afternoon to take a step back from addiction, and just wallow in my recovery instead of anxiety.
I hope you can find something kind to do for yourself as you deserve it.
Huge Hugs.
You can't think your way into a new way of living . . . you have to live your way into a new way of thinking.
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Re: why cant i just hang up the phone?!

Postby DianeB » Wed Nov 13, 2013 5:51 pm

I don't have to hang up a phone I don't answer.

Either way it is a choice. A conscious decision
that I make to keep my life at peace.

Hugs....
with Love

DianeB



“It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change.” - Charles Darwin

http://nar-anon.org
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Re: why cant i just hang up the phone?!

Postby MATT'S MOM » Wed Nov 13, 2013 6:27 pm

I learned to not answer the phone. Caller ID makes life so easy. We can look at who's number comes up and make a choice as to whether or not to answer. It is very hard to break the habits that we are in though because we have been well trained by our ALO's to always be there when they want something. Keep working on it. I found that it does get easier. Keep working on taking care of you and the kids. YOu are worth it.
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