I've done exactly the same thing.
I'm new here, but reading these stories, it's such a comfort to know that I'm not the only one.
And you're not the only one who has tried to justify doing the right thing because they feel betrayed by the truth. (How dare I tell his mom the real reason he keeps asking her for money for "us"?)
And you're certainly not the only one who then feels compelled to apologize.
I suppose, if a person can feel betrayed by the truth, they shouldn't have chosen that as their truth.
I'm not familiar with the code, but I'm guessing mine would be live-in ABF.
He's really good at the game.
I have tried to learn not to give in to the escalation of hostilities. If I can give back only calm refusal, that still doesn't diffuse the situation. But I don't make it worse. It's almost like dealing with a child who's throwing a fit. Getting angry satisfies a need in them to have your emotion match theirs. Then they're justified in their anger.
And if there is one thing he knows how to feel it's justified.
Because everything that may or may not have gone wrong in his life, or every little way that I've not made the path to quitting glass smooth (and I've really gone too far already in trying to stop the descent to rock bottom, which just prolongs the ride, apparently), and every time I make him feel bad by "judging" him, because I just don't understand, and I'm not helping him by not buying more, and every time I've "smugly" said "No." means it's my fault that he can't quit.
Which, of course, doesn't make any sense.
You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into in the first place.
So, for myself, I think I'll take ---I don't have to attend every fight I'm invited to.as my personal mantra.
I'd guess that you probably did the right thing bringing some truth into his world. No one would want to be an unwitting enabler of someone they love. Of course he doesn't like it. But you don't have to apologize. You also don't have to send a long, horrible text if you don't want him to contact you again. Being mean to an addict doesn't make us winners. They're not mentally playing the same game.
I've read in a few places on here something about detaching with love.
If you're strong enough to do that, more power to you!
We don't give advice here but we do share our experience, strength and hope (SESH).
I hope you will give our on-line meetings a try. We have meetings every night.
Have you looked into attending face to face (f2f) Nar-Anon meetings in your local area?
I hope you will keep coming back. This program works if you work it. HONEST!!