detachment and then not :)

[tracyu111]

Hi Everyone,

I am amazed at the progress that I have made being in recovery and also amazed at how I can "forget" and fall back into old ways of behaving and acting

My ABF had been in bed for a week now, crashing, manic depression, I'm not sure what the diagnosis is....and in the meantime, I have stayed out of despair, I have not told him what he should be doing, I haven't become the persecutor and been mean and awful to him, I see the disease as separate from the person...so I haven't been taking it all personally.

He has a chunk of money owed to him and he won't go collect it, and he had wrecked my car by blowing a tire, so now they are calling me about parts he ordered, I haven't said anything about it.

His parole officer had a discussion with me due to my ABF's request, I probably should have said it's not my business but anyway....his p.o. says he is not in compliance, doesn't pay his 30 bucks a month, hasn't had a drug screening or interview or evaluation or something or another and hasn't gone to voc rehab, also, my ABF isnt supposed to be driving, no license. But I allow him to use my car and he goes all over except to where his p.o. wants.

So my ABF doesn't want recovery, my part that I am not detaching with is....I think he is mentally ill and I should step in and help and tell him to do what his p.o. wants or he will go to jail....that is managing, I realize but I don't think my ABF is capable of thinking straight.....i don't know...this all sounds funny and like denial as I am typing it but.....

So my ABF's idea is to go to Long Beach in Cal, we live in Reno, because he had a doc there who prescribed a drug similar to meth that tests the same as meth so he could keep using and not come up with dirty tests..... I was ready to drive him there so I guess I am not so detached after all


I am an ENABLER and as sick as he is still.......I have been doing meetings, sponsor, steps and am still screwy....

His niece says tell the truth and tell him to find a doc in reno, I don't know if i should say this or not but anyway...I am taking away his dignity and causing misery and making it easy for him to keep using....I have said I don't want to live with active addiction but big deal,,,,I haven't set a boundary or done anything about it.

So anyway, here I am...a little better but still not very...
HUgs
Tracy

[Lyra]

Tracy, what is your recovery routine? For me its very important to have an active recovery routine so that I keep my recovery present everyday otherwise I DEFINITELY backslide just like you described. I get up in the morning and read my Nar-Anon SESH reader and another inspirational daily reader. I try to meditate or pray everyday as part of step two and three (believed a higher power could restore me to sanity, turned my life and will over to my higher power). I also try to make at least 3 meetings a week and if I feel like I am slipping or re-attaching I will try to make more meetings and refocus more strongly on my recovery (something I am doing this week). I have a sponsor and am working currently on Step Four with him. I try to write gratitude lists when I am having trouble feeling positive. I have a "god box" that I put my worries and fears into and try to let go and let god with regards to my ALO and put the focus back on myself. Enabling is tough to beat but the harder I work my program the better I am at setting boundaries for ME and maintaining them as needed.

I know for a fact that if I do not do something recovery related everyday, that I very quickly start to fall back into old patterns of thinking and behaving. We are a lot like our ALOs-we have to keep working it for the rest of our lives. I accept that my recovery is going to be part ofmy life for the rest of my life. I may not need to do a meeting everyday ten years from now, but I need to stay aware and if I am backsliding even then I will be quick to get myself to meetings as often as I need to restore balance.

We all have wobbly days-you are already stepping in the right direction by posting about it here! Hugs

[DianeB]

When I am in up close and personal insanity and I tell my
sponsor how very crazy it is....she asked me one question...

How's that working for you?

or another twist on it....

As long as that is working for you...

You see....when it no longer works for me, I change it.

So....how's that working for you??

Hugs...

[Angelgirly2]

I know when my AH is coming down, I honestly think he is mentally ill. Seriously! And he says the samething about needing a Doctor to prescribe. He got a medical marijuana reccomendation, to take the edge off and to keep him away from Meth.. silly me, thought "oh that might help" but he is in full blown active addiction with his DOC: Meth.
I am learning that if it isn't onething it is another. There is nothing I can do to help him stop using. If there were, he would already have it.
Not more acivity, not something fun like a motorcycle...
I am learning how to set boundaries, for me. Let him take care of his own buisness. It hard when you see them hurting themselves.
It is the only way I can stay sane.

Blessings.

[tracyu111]

Thanks for the input everyone, I love the idea of the daily routine, I have a hard time staying consistent but need to for my sanity, I think I am going to get the SESH book, everyone talks about it, I have alanon literature but Naranon is a bit different.

thanks thanks thanks, I will reread these posts, need to go to work but helps tremendously to share here.

angelygirl, meth sucks, I don't know how anyone gets off it, but they have to want to

and thanks to martha and lyra

[tracyu111]

And its not working for me???? Not at all, I have experienced depression that I have never felt before.

So I am the one who needs the attention and I need to daily take care of me, I pray, meditate, read lit but not everyday!!! Need to get a very solid recovery program and not alllow myself to get distracted by him and his wily ways.

DETACH!!!

[tracyu111]

And, I used to have a God box, had one back years ago when I started recovery in AA, I need another one,,,it helps so much, my ABF is going in there,,,,,as I remember reading in the BB, it says NO human power can help us, we need God