I have been there. When my daughter was arrested in November it was in a state 400 miles away. I was able to sleep finally and knew in my heart it was the best place for her to be. Well, truth be told, I fell apart at first and THEN realized it was the best place for her. She had a 3 week relapse and wrecked havoc so was arrested (stealing pocketbooks and money and using the credit cards to support her drug addiction). She stayed there for 1 month and was put on probation and sent to our state. She relapsed again in May and did the same tricks. Now she was arrested here. Big time arrested. Very serious charges. We are waiting to hear what the original state will do. We are waiting to hear what this state will do. 2 attorneys in 2 different states. Mind boggling. BUT, she is in an o/p treatment program 5 days a week, an hour a day. She sees a therapist, and goes to a weekly AA meeting. It's something in a positive direction. And trying to eat healthier as well. Better habits I should say. She has no car so really can't go out much which also makes it easier on us.
I have learned one very important thing in this program. That what we do is right for us at the time. If you don't choose to go visit your son that is your choice. No judgements. Maybe you are just not ready yet. If you want to go every day, then, again, your choice. You take your time and decide what it is you want to do. This is very hard on us. I really do understand. Maybe, just maybe, this is what your son needs for a wake up call. We never know what will be the addicts rock bottom. Spending time in jail could be what turns your son around. I will keep you both in my prayers.