It looks like you are seeing things as they are. I am glad for you.
"Although she is moved out now and we don't see all of her behaviours she still is demonstrating addict thinking and making all kinds of sweeping assumptions."
"My husband wants to let her know that she can have the car in exchange she pays the insurance, other fees, and her own tuition if she chooses to go college. He thinks this might help her build more independence and maybe confidence... "
It is good that you don't want to be manipulated. Sometimes I have given, something that I can handle losing, to see the reaction and responsibility of the ALO.
Knowing that I am drawing a line in the sand, so to speak, and if they cross it, I can stop, they don't even have to know it is there.
I have learned that my AH makes all sorts of sweeping assumptions. It is really mind blowing to me that people think that way, but it is the drug. And a form of manipulation. And now I understand how it works, I am letting that talk go over my head, sometimes addressing it head-on and others just ignoring it. Doing what I need to do and sometimes I explain and I try to say it just once. All in love and with a good attitude. Because I have a right to think and feel and do what I think is best for me. And you do too. It is not all about them, although that is what addicts think. I have from experienced learned that they will keep demanding more if we give it.
I believe it is a postitive that your daughter is playing soccer, that will really help her.
Blessings to you.
"God causes all things to work together for good"