Dealing with the fallout-status post rehab/recovery

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

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Dealing with the fallout-status post rehab/recovery

Post by mkcf » Fri Oct 13, 2017 10:26 am

It has been quite a while since I've posted here...or gone to a meeting. My RAS's seem to be in good places in their individual lives. They each have jobs and their own apartments. My husband and I are not as entwined in their lives. We see them on occasion but its infrequent. That makes me sad but I'm dealing with it. The toxic storm that we used to live in on a daily basis has passed. We are all still standing. We still love each other. There is an element of trust that is being restored. There is still a touch of bitterness, but there is a lot of love and hope for bright futures for my sons. I don't picture them as one of the lost waifs begging for money in the city or laying on a sidewalk grate to stay warm when the weather turns cold. I try to not have any expectations for them really, because they are in charge of their own lives. No amount of controlling talk from me is going to make a difference in their lives. But the lingering worry is getting to me. My middle son recently found that he has Hep C. Fortunately, the new treatment is very promising and it seems that he has been diagnosed before lingering damage has been done. And I am grateful that he has insurance. Treatment can be very expensive. It's good to see that he is on top of things too. He has had testing and will soon see a hepatologist for treatment. But the worry that he will reach a breaking point and relapse is so strong in me that I am losing sleep. I can feel the anxiety bubbling up. I guess its time to get my program back on the rails. This really is a lifetime program and I'm grateful for it. Thanks for letting me vent.

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Re: Dealing with the fallout-status post rehab/recovery

Post by vscook » Fri Oct 13, 2017 12:11 pm

I'm sorry to hear about your son's health issues, but he's on it, which is really all that can be done. Now you can address your issues of worry and anxiety. Meetings, steps, sponsor - keep coming back! (Hugs)
Last edited by vscook on Fri Oct 13, 2017 6:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift, that's why it's called the present.

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Re: Dealing with the fallout-status post rehab/recovery

Post by jhelpmom » Fri Oct 13, 2017 4:37 pm

I think your post speaks to the strength of your family. We are at the beginning of the journey, as my RAS is now 5 months clean and living in a sober house. He supports himself but hand to mouth and not earning enough to put any away for a rainy day, or some weeks only $30 for groceries after paying the rent. But he's healthy, and happy and in control. Thank you for sharing.

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Re: Dealing with the fallout-status post rehab/recovery

Post by Thankful » Sat Oct 14, 2017 9:12 am

Hi all, my RAS came out of rehab after 10 weeks, that was 5 weeks ago. He doesn't look as glowing as he was then, when I saw him last week, in fact I had my "concerns" shall we say, considering certain familiar signs. Where he lives is being converted into a dry house but it's not been finished yet, although he's been allowed to live there. Long story short, he is still looking to me for extra money - although I'd stated clear end point after he decided to not continue in rehab. Feels like in some ways back to where we were before, although I do recognise the huge progress he's made.

Long story short, I think it's time to really step out of the circle and leave him to live his own life in the way he chooses, recovering, and supporting himself. I've done all I can to help him get to this point, but now it's up to him.

I am going to focus on my own recovery, working through the steps with my co-sponsor, getting support from a secondary "senior" sponsor, and support from Nar-Anon friends - the only ones who truly understand what it's like. Thank you to everyone for sharing, and being part of this programme - it's truly a life-saver

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Re: Dealing with the fallout-status post rehab/recovery

Post by 2Bhealthy » Sat Oct 14, 2017 11:21 am

You sound like a loving mother! As I am learning here distancing is the key. We can't control their lives. Sorry your son has Hep C. I know my AD likely has or will have illnesses secondary to her lifestyle. All I can do is pray and hope for the best. Best wishes your way!

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